(this is part 3 of the health series. They are all located in the on the health page of my blog).
This is for anyone who has a complicated, sometimes frustrating, sometimes annoying relationship with money.
This is for anyone who has ever felt like sh*t because of money, in some way shape or form.
This is for people who have ever judged people for how much money they have and spend.
Have you ever had any of these thoughts?
Money is bad.
Money causes dissatisfaction.
Rich people are never satisfied with what they have.
Once you have a lot of money, you just want more money.
You can’t be a good person and be rich.
But, oh, isn’t that ironic. Here’s a dirty little secret about me.
Sometimes, I want to be rich. I daydream about feeling powerful, feeling like I make enough money to do what I want, to buy what I want for myself and for other people, to provide and to travel.
Another, not-so-dirty little secret about me.
Many of my favorite moments in life are at home, cooking and talking and laughing and cuddling, or else learning, reading, writing, and thinking, running, swimming, biking, standing in nature, practicing yoga. These activities don’t cost much money.
So what the heck do I want to be rich for?
How many dollars and cents make someone rich? More importantly, how many dollars and cents do I want to have? I dunno!
But what I do know is this: I have a complicated relationship with money! I have all sorts of guilt from being provided for so generously by my loving father. I have all sorts of why-do-I-deserve-this kind of guilt.
And so to shed the guilt, I am embarking on a journey toward financial independence (I’m 25. You might think this is late. What a lucky, spoiled brat, you might think. Or you might think, fewf! I’m still dependent, at least partially, on my parents at that age so at least I’m not the only one).
I’m not being forced into this. No one is forcing me out the door (I have lived at home for almost two years—in fact I’ve kept my daddy company in his home and in his apartment–Lucky dad!). On the contrary, I’m being told to move slow. It doesn’t all need to happen at once, dad says. I know my dad’s there for me.
But this is a journey I want to undertake, to heal my relationship with money.
I’ve fought with people over money. I’ve felt self-righteous over money. I’ve judged people over money and how much they are spending. Luxury is bad! Yes, I’ve had that thought.
I stood in a dressing room in New York City, near Times Square, around Christmas time, as an eleven-year-old girl, and thought this is disgusting! Why are there so many lights? And moving dolls in the windows? Why are they wasting so much electricity?
I traveled to Nepal for a semester of college with a desire to see what poor and happy looks like. I imagined that in “spiritual” Nepal, people were happy, content with little material belongings. (I was right and I was wrong. There were people with little who were content. There were poor people who were unsatisfied. There were poor people who seemed miserable. How poor is poor? What is happy? Questions for another article).
Starting off on this journey, I want to say, I’m sorry for judging. My judgments of others have been a product of my own discomfort with money and spending.
What I’m realizing is, if I have my own clear relationship with money, I can use it in a way that’s comfortable for me, and I can be free from that yucky feeling of judgment!
I will continue to be curious about how others view and use money, but hopefully I won’t be anxious or judgmental without catching myself in the act.
Financial freedom, baby! Here I come.
If you want to share any of your own beliefs about money, please do, I’d love to read them. I’m in the process of writing the history of my own relationship with money (it’s so fun and fascinating) and maybe I will share bits and pieces.
Happy spending, or saving, or making, or being, or whatever you’re doing!
P.S. Writing this from a rest stop along the highway, on my way back to NJ. One of the nicest rest stops I’ve seen!